


Coming to a Theatre Near You

by Squirrel_Stone



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Multi, OT4, movie trailer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 10:29:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4259931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squirrel_Stone/pseuds/Squirrel_Stone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Darcy Lewis has never wanted anything but love...</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Oh my god, why do you keep saying that every time I do anything?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming to a Theatre Near You

Darcy pulls out a tube of lipstick and begins carefully applying it, staring at her reflection in the public bathroom.

_All Darcy Lewis has ever wanted is to find love._

Darcy jumps, the lipstick flying out of her hands. She fumbles to catch it, getting red marks all over her fingers but thankfully missing her face. She growls as she twists the tube down and caps it, her eyes going to the ceiling.

“No,” she says firmly. “No, all I _want_ is for you to go away! But that’s not gonna happen is it?”

Another woman walks out of a stall, eyeing Darcy warily. She walks out without washing her hands.

Darcy groans and points at the door while still looking to the sky. “See what you made me do?”

* * *

Darcy walks down the street, a tray of coffees in either hand and a purse in the crook of her elbow. She walks through the revolving door of Stark Industries and winds up in the lab. “Hey, Jane!” she calls out. “I’ve got breakfast!”

_But what she didn’t know was that it was already coming her way._

Darcy turns and crashes into Steve Rogers, spilling coffee all over herself and him.

Darcy runs down the sidewalk at Central Park in a track suit, only to have a golden retriever run across her path and knock her over.

_And coming her way._

Darcy walks into a training room and is promptly hit in the face with a dodgeball.

_And coming her way._

“I am so sorry!” Steve exclaims, grabbing some napkins from the desk and patting Darcy down with them. He pauses his movements when he realizes his hand is on her breast before pulling away quickly. “I—uh—sorry.”

Bucky runs up to Darcy and gets down next to her. “I am so sorry about my dog,” he says.

Natasha approaches Darcy and grabs the ball. “Sorry about that. You’re… Darcy, right?”

Darcy blinks a couple of times and then turns to the desk to get her own napkins. “Oh my god, my life is a romcom cliché. I really should have seen that coming.”

* * *

Darcy and Jane stand around the kitchen island, the former mixing something in a bowl while the latter drinks a glass of wine. “Okay, so you’ve got three dates with three different people,” Jane says. “What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up,” Darcy explains.

Jane scoffs. “Darce, no one gets their hopes up on a first date. Just give ‘em a chance.”

Darcy hesitates before sighing. “Fine.”

* * *

Darcy stands alone in her apartment, dressed for a date. She looks to the ceiling. “Please, for just once, stay out of my life,” she begs the narrator. “Can you do that?”

There’s no response.

“Good.”

* * *

Darcy has a nice dinner with Steve, then with Natasha, then with Bucky, each time in a new outfit. Her three dates take her back up to the communal floor of Stark Tower. The scene settles on her and Bucky in the elevator.

“I had a really nice time tonight,” Darcy says. “Thanks for walking me home.”

Bucky grins. “Any time, doll.”

The two step out of the elevator, and the heads of all the Avengers turn to look at them. Only two speak.

“Bucky?”

“Yasha?”

Darcy is horrified, and she glances to the ceiling for help.

_You’re the one who wanted me to stay out of this._

* * *

Darcy’s in her PJs in her apartment, talking to Jane again. “So apparently my three dates all know each other… and dated each other.”

Jane winces. “Ouch.”

* * *

 

Darcy screams into a pillow in her bedroom.

* * *

 

_She will learn…_

Darcy rides down a bike trail, Bucky at her side.

_…that love…_

Steve and Darcy throw globs of cake batter at one another, laughing hysterically as they do.

_…knows no bounds._

Slowly, Darcy leans in, giving Natasha a kiss.

* * *

_Starring Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, and Kat Dennings._

Darcy glares up at the sky. “Seriously, how many times do I have to tell you my name is Darcy?”

A couple walking by gives her a strange look.

_Four Ever_

* * *

 

Darcy lies in bed with her three lovers, a dopey grin on her face. She sighs and whispers, “Thank you.”

_You’re welcome._

Bucky stirs. “What was that?” he asks semi-coherently.

“Nothing.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know, I just got this idea after watching yet another romcom trailer... Also, you totally read the italics in the Romcom Trailer Narrator Voice, didn't you?


End file.
